"Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door"

Sometimes, I like to listen to podcasts in the morning while I'm getting ready for work. It's usually something with a spiritual bent: Made For This with Jennie Allen, or The Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast. It sets the tone for my day, and oftentimes whatever they're speaking about is something that's been on my mind lately too.

As we head into winter, it feels like we're heading into a cave. But this isn't just the cold, dark winter cave with the occasional Seasonal Affective Disorder. This is that, plus COVID continued. This is that, plus more isolation and closures and panic. This is that, plus. And I suspect I'm not the only one who is just a little extra worried and freaked out about what's coming. All this was hard enough back in March, when we were starting to escape winter. We went through spring and summer and fall with only marginal normalcy and very little reprieve... and now we're headed back into winter again, and not much has changed. Can we get through this?

I hope so. Jennie Allen released a podcast episode on Tuesday last week called "Lonely." In it, she recited this quote from Henri Nouwen:

“There is a twilight zone in our hearts that we ourselves cannot see. Even when we know quite a lot about ourselves - our gifts and weaknesses, our ambitions and aspirations, our motives and our drives - large parts of ourselves remain in the shadow of consciousness. This is a very good thing. We will always remain partially hidden to ourselves. Other people, especially those who love us, can often see our twilight zones better than we ourselves can. The way we are seen and understood by others is different from the way we see and understand ourselves. We will never fully know the significance of our presence in the lives of our friends. That's a grace, a grace that calls us not only to humility, but to a deep trust in those who love us. It is the twilight zones of our hearts where true friendships are born.”

We need each other, to get through everything going on right now. There's a place in our heart that only God can fill, but our relationships with other people are supposed to mirror our relationship with God in terms of love, mercy, and grace, and I think the rest of our heart is supposed to be full from these kinds of generous interactions with others. Nothing calms uncertainty and fear quite like the presence of another.

While I do think family is important, you have a sort of blood obligation to your family that you don't have to a friend, so I'm stressing the importance of friendships here. There is something very special about developing a bond and vulnerability with someone who on all accounts owes you nothing, but you both choose to bring what you have to the table and enjoy it or work through it anyway (depending on the situation).

So, if you don't have at least one really good friend going into this upcoming season - preferably, a whole community - whom you can reach out to and be brutally honest with when life gets to be too much, then I would encourage you to be bold and make the first move. Pour into someone you already know and go deeper, or reach out and rekindle a friendship from the past. Get plugged into your church and get involved in a life group. Then, keep at it. Friendship takes time. (On average, 50 hours for a casual friend, 100 hours for a real friend, and 200 hours for a close friend! https://www.today.com/health/how-long-does-it-take-make-friend-friendship-advice-t126538)

We're all going to need to get by with a little help from our friends.