I was eating dinner with a friend a couple of days ago, and haven't been able to let this wisdom go. Her statement stopped me in my tracks. Would I lie to myself? Don't I know myself better than anyone? I should be the most qualified to accurately assess myself... right?
The truth is... no! I may, in fact, have some of the least accurate opinions about myself of anyone I know! How odd is it, that the one person I spend the most time with - myself - is someone I could so easily incorrectly portray?
It's no secret that I consider myself an insecure person. Feel free to look up some old blog posts on here, or some "Food for Thought" on The Table Facebook page (linked in the sidebar to the right). It's doubtless come up a few times (I'm too afraid to look at my old writing!). As Edna says:
I've come to realize a number of things, as I work on feeling less insecure. I sometimes pine after affirmation from others. I sometimes struggle to believe that God loves me, warts and all. And despite being aware of these things... I still go through recurring desperate bouts of feeling wholeheartedly unworthy.
I honestly don't have a guaranteed solution yet for how to pull out of an unworthiness tailspin. (I'll probably let you know, if I figure it out!) But after my friend's insight, and some research into what God has to say on the topic, here's what I do know:
- Feelings are not truth (although that doesn't make feelings any less real).
- Your own thoughts or preconceived notions you have about yourself may not be true.
- Insecurity is fear (and probably also a sin!).
- People have been insecure since they existed, both doubting God ("Did God really say..." in Genesis 3:1) and feeling ashamed after the fall ("So they hid from the Lord..." in Genesis 3:8).
- Our identity is secure in Christ ("So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1).
- So when I am feeling insecure about myself, it is because I am rooting my identity in others, in relation to others, in my own personal attributes, or through my past sins and failures.
- Therefore, when I feel insecure I am basically questioning whether what God says about me is really true. By questioning my worthiness, I am questioning Christ's worthiness.
- It could also mean: I am preoccupied with myself (pride), I am dissatisfied with God (grumbling for better manna), I long for validation from others more than God (seeking worldly affirmation), and/or I still feel my righteousness is justified in some way by my accomplishments (confidence from works).
- Which is a warning to check my heart - but also an invitation to break free from false beliefs about myself and seek Him and what He has to say. (And He has a great deal to say! Please check out this article in particular [https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/what-god-thinks-about-you]; I really can't string it together better than they already have!)
- Paul says it best: "I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. ... I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith." Philippians 3:7-9
All of this sounds great on paper, but I will be the first to admit that it is not nearly as easy to remember in moments of imposter syndrome and feeling deeply undeserving. There is no quick fix on this one. It's going to take time and effort, some serious heart guarding and thought/feeling mindfulness, and some bold faith.
But the good news is, my God is a BIG God. He can handle it. At the end of the day... who am I going to believe? The serpent, myself, or the Lord?
~
Behind every writer is (usually) more writers. This blog post was shaped and inspired by all of these articles:
So true, love your blogs!
ReplyDeleteGreat job! Your conceptions of yourself are only true when they match up with Gods. Proud of you. Love you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! ❤️
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