Spider? I hardly knew her!

Anyone who knows me AT ALL knows that I am not a fan of most bugs, least of all spiders. Spiders are creepy demon spawn. (You won't convince me otherwise, but you can try!) So I am more surprised than anyone that I am slightly affectionately inclined toward an eight-legged squatter residing between my house and my garage.

I took pity on her when I almost ran into her and her web while mowing last week. I recently read an article that insect numbers are decreasing at an alarming rate, so I resisted my initial gut reaction to grab a can of Raid and instead gently destroyed her web. She scuttled along into a bush, and I finished mowing. I figured that was the end of it.

THE VERY NEXT MORNING, she was back in the exact same place and had rebuilt her web. I admired her boldness to openly defy me. So, she has earned my respect, and I have earned hers (as long as I don't get too close - which I assure you is not a problem). I check up on her when I come and go.

I think she is a barn spider, but she is definitely an orb weaver. Her webs are beautifully intricate. I've done a little research on her. (I'm confident she's female because males rarely build webs - their only interest is finding a mate.) She'll only live about a year, she prefers to stay outside (thank goodness), and she rebuilds her web every day. She probably tends to be nocturnal, but I've never seen her not in the middle of her web. If she gets scared, she has at least a couple of escape lines, which are not sticky like her web is.

Growing up, I LOVED Charlotte's Web (the animated movie). It was one of my favorites, along with (The Tale of) Bunny Picnic. I can't explain why this spider is different from any of the others I've encountered in my life. I extended her a little bit of grace, and I guess I got stuck in her web. She's my own little (kind of terrifyingly big, actually) Charlotte.

If nothing else, she's helping to control the bug population around my house. I'm going to have to find her a new place of residence soon, though... the pest guy is coming next week. 😬

What happens in Vegas...

...gets talked about in this blog. (There's no reason for it to stay in Vegas.) Long story short, I took a week off to visit Las Vegas. I'd never been. It's always a city you hear so much about, so it seemed like a place I ought to check out at least once.

If I'm being honest, I'm not sure I'll be back to visit again anytime soon. The city left me feeling some combination of fascinated, horrified, and heartbroken. Let me explain.

I'll set the mood right at the beginning: getting off the plane. My first step into the airport was my first step into this alternate dimension. There were slot machines... in the airport. If you've never been in a casino, these things can be loud and obnoxious. No doubt the bleeps and bloops are intentional, to draw you into playing. I play video games, so I'm not unaccustomed to these kinds of sounds, but the noises slot machines make feel a lot more... threatening. Like a siren call, trying to lure you in to your own demise.

I didn't think too much of it at the time. Airports are naturally busy and noisy anyway, and it is Vegas, so no matter. But then we got to the hotel. Slot machines and tables were covering the entire main floor, and this place was HUGE. Not only that, you had to walk through the main floor to get anywhere - the parking garage, your hotel room, dining options, you name it. As someone who studied marketing, I can appreciate the genius of the layout... but I kid you not, there was never a time I walked through the main floor when someone was NOT playing the slots or gambling at a table.

This picture doesn't do the main floor of the hotel justice... the slot machines go on forever.

It was shocking, just observing some of these people in passing. I imagined most of them were addicted to the pulling of the lever, the pushing of the button, the ping of a 'win' or a 'better luck next time.' That mentality of "just one more try; this time, I'll hit the jackpot!" A cigarette in hand, a scantily clad woman bringing them drinks in another, a glazed over expression on their face. Each success positive reinforcement to keep going for more, each loss giving them incentive to try again for the next time they'd "win." An endless, numbing cycle.

But I wish that was the worst part.

The strip is beautiful - I won't deny that. But there is sex being sold on every other billboard, every other taxi or bus or neon sign, every other street corner. You couldn't drive anywhere without being inundated by ads for "adult-themed" shows, all claiming to be more "hands-on" than the next. There were ads for "girls direct to you!" It was the worst at night. There were gentleman on the sidewalks touting their wares like carnival barkers. "Strip club tonight! Come to the club! Strip cluuuub!" They handed out what I can only describe as baseball cards to advertise. I successfully ignored the attempts to thrust cards into my hand, but the pavement was littered with them: basically, nude women.

One of many such ads. This one was on a truck that I assume just drives around the strip all day.

Sometimes, the women themselves would be out walking around in flamboyant, sparkly, barely there garments... or sometimes, even less. Sometimes, just pasties.

There were casinos in every hotel, sex on every corner, booze and ciggies on every block, food in between, and lights and adverts everywhere. More is more, they would insist. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. YOLO.

I've been studying the first five books of the Bible, and I've never felt so strongly that this city is (I hope) the closest I'll ever get to visiting a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah. (I suppose it is nicknamed "Sin City" for a reason.) Even the buildings themselves, while breathtaking, reeked of idolatry, each one trying to be more spectacular than the next. "They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise." Romans 1:25

A little nod to my Bible study group, The Table: we're in the book of Exodus right now. 😉

Even more interesting than all of that, though, was how I felt. At first, I was appalled by all of it. The gambling, the sex... the push for pleasure, whatever your vice is. Some things always remained appalling. But after a few days, I began to get used to the noisy slot machines, the bright advertisements, the people vying for my attention. We are so easily conditioned to exposure. "Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!" Matthew 6:22-23

I'm not here to tell you my whole trip to Vegas was bad. It wasn't. I hope to share another, more positive post soon. I'm also not here to tell you not to go to Vegas. I'm just here to say that as pretty and glamorous as it is, there is a darkness there that can't be lit up by any man-made lights. It was heartbreaking, thinking about some of these people as children of God, created in His image. The more we objectify people for their usefulness, the less human they become. It's really not supposed to be this way. 😟

Tell me the answer.

I watch the TV show The Good Place. It's full of philosophy, comedy, drama. Kristen Bell is hilarious. I recommend checking it out. Season 3 recently dropped on Netflix. 😉

I couldn't remember if I had already watched season 3 (live)... so I re-watched the last episode. Déjà vu: definitely had already seen it. There is something Janet says toward the end of the episode that I think is profound:

"If there were an answer I could give you to how the universe works, it wouldn't be... special. It would just be machinery fulfilling its cosmic design; it would just be a big, dumb food processor. But since nothing seems to make sense, when you find something or someone that does, it's euphoria."

I can relate to this in so many ways. There is so much mystery in this world - its history, its plants and animals and the way they are designed, all the complexities of humans... even the vast, emptiness of space! We've been on this earth for thousands of years already, and there are still so many things we know nothing about. But if we knew it all - if there was no mystery - would any of it have meaning anymore? I think not understanding all the intricacies of God and not having it all figured out gives life more value. It's one of the reasons why I can't get behind the big bang theory: do you really think all of life came down to chance? Dumb luck? Million-to-one odds? If that's true... doesn't that make everything a lot less special?

Knowing Jesus, then, is euphoria. He's that one thing that really seems to make sense. Without Him, we're here for a little while, and then gone. "The universe is just made of pain," according to Eleanor. With Him, we're still just here for a little while. There's also still pain. But after our time here is over, we don't just cease to exist. We get to be with our Creator, forever, in a place without pain. And we are called to a higher purpose while we are here: to share the gospel, and to be more Christ-like.

I've wrestled a lot recently with the idea of why God doesn't communicate with us directly anymore, like an all-powerful, thunderous voice from the sky. I've argued (mostly with myself) that it would be easier. It would save me a lot of confusion. You could just tell me what to do, Lord, and then I would know your will, and I would do it!

Funny thing is, though, that didn't always seem to work out in the Old Testament. God proved Himself many times, and would tell people like Abraham and Moses to do things. Sometimes they would do just as He said, and things worked out great! Sometimes they misinterpreted God or took things into their own hands because they weren't patient enough, and things turned out poorly. Sometimes they didn't trust God despite His promises, and asked Him to send anyone else. (Oh, Moses... always the skeptic. I think we'd get along in our insecurities. 😆)

The more I think about it, I'm not sure hearing God's voice in the literal sense would necessarily change anyone's approach. It should... but we're still human. We're still impatient, and defiant, and scared. If God gave us a bigger picture of His plan for our lives - that might make it even worse. How many people would choose to follow His will, if they knew upfront all the challenges they would face? Having that kind of knowledge would be daunting and overwhelming at best... paralyzing at worst.

No, I think God works best in the mystery. In the still, small voice that nudges you in a direction. I still struggle with picking up on the voice sometimes. In fact, I think a lot of the time, the voice is easily missed. Sometimes, it's completely silent. The path isn't always very clear... but I can see it when I turn around and look back. That's when it finally makes sense, and I have an "aha" moment and feel that euphoria. If I knew exactly how it would unfold ahead, it wouldn't be as meaningful, or I might straight up try to avoid it. As always, God's way is the best way. He knows us all too well.