What is this feeling, so sudden and new?

"I feel like God has been calling me to do this," my friend gushed confidently.

Externally, I nodded as though I understood... but internally, I contemplated what exactly it feels like to be called to something by God.

There have been moments in my life where something felt really clear and obvious to do. But more often than not (especially recently), I've felt stuck in a holding pattern of uncertainty, with no apparent next step to take and no Gideon-esque sign from God laying out a plan.

I think I've felt what I would describe as "called" to write sometimes, over the last few months. It's like this preoccupation with an idea or a concept that I keep coming back to, and it feels like a nagging, energetic itch in my brain that I can't scratch without sharing. (In case you haven't figured it out, today's energetic itch is brought to you by the concept of "feelings!")

What are feelings? Can they be promptings from the Holy Spirit? Are they good, bad, or indifferent? Should I rely on them? What purpose do they serve?

I've felt a lot of different emotions in the last 12 months or so. In fact, I would argue that I've felt a greater range of feelings now than possibly ever before (sometimes all in the same day - can I get a witness?! 😅). What does it mean, when I feel consistently discouraged by aspects of my professional life, or when I feel lonely in my empty house, or when writing brings me fulfillment tinged with a sprinkle of anxiety? Or... does it mean anything at all?

I think the short answer to a lot of these questions is "it's complicated." I was listening to my current favorite podcast (The Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast), and in one of the episodes, I really loved the way Lysa TerKeurst described emotions: "Feelings are indicators, not dictators."

In the past, I've often approached feelings with disdain, like they're not worth my time, an inconvenience, and something to be ignored and pushed past because they serve no purpose other than to get in my way. ("Hey, I'm walkin' here!")

And naturally, when they become too big to be ignored, then they're an all-consuming, life-draining monster.

Until more recently, I had never considered that feelings might actually be ok. I was a little bit dumbfounded when I was walking with a friend a month or so ago and she told me my feelings about my current situation were justified. "They are?!" I thought. I never knew I needed that validation! I wasn't giving it to myself. My thoughts up to that point usually consisted of: "You shouldn't feel this way. Why do you? Figure out how to fix it."

I do think there's a careful balance to walk - because while feelings shouldn't be ignored, they also shouldn't be relied upon as truth. They can be intuitive, but that doesn't make them infallible. Think of Cain, feeling angry and dejected - to the point where he attacked and killed his brother, Abel. Cain chose to allow his emotions to be dictators, which resulted in sin controlling him. He should have realized the emotions he was feeling were indicators that something was off, and he needed to check his heart and change his actions (by offering his best crops as a gift to the Lord, like Abel offered his best from his flock). The Lord even warns Cain so! "You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master." Genesis 4:7

I frequently wish God would be so direct with me... but there is a beauty to the way He works in subtleties. If He can speak to me through the Bible, other believers, prayer, etc., then I certainly think that feelings (or "indicators," if you will) can also be used by God sometimes to reveal where I am at in my walk with Him and (if need be) nudge me in the right direction. Of course, I still need to be mindful that God's timing will not be the same as my timing - patience is required on my part. And most importantly, I think emotions need to be evaluated in conjunction with all of the other means through which I look to the Lord for guidance. Everything should be congruous. "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2

I know it's not always as simple as it seems like it ought to be, but I do think having this perspective shift on emotions has been useful. I'll think of them more like a "check engine" light from now on. 😏